• Mari Hoaglund


Updated: Feb 6


A person who has excessive interest in/or admiration of themselves.

Per the Mayo Clinic website, “Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

That first definition forgets to mention “makes anyone's life a living hell unless it's their own.” Amiright?

In all honesty though, I feel as if everyone has come across someone like this at some point in their life. SUPER sweet, fun, caring, charismatic all the way until they aren’t anymore. Leaving you spinning in your seat thinking, “If I just could’ve been ______.” You fill in the blank to your liking.

Now while I love a good, “let's blame everything on the person who has been a shit to me”, Let's take a deeper look. What can we control in situations? Any situation?

Ourselves. Yep, that's it. We make a choice to stay in a situation that isn’t serving us. Staying with someone due to comfortability, ease, insecurities, or whatever else is showing up, is on US. Instead of thinking “why are they treating me this way?” Let’s change the view to, “Why am I accepting this?”

*Disclaimer* This blog is referring to individuals in relationships without domestic violence. There are many factors as to why individuals stay in a relationship where there is violence, that is for another blog my friends.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter WHY this person is the way that they are. They have showed you, time and time again, that they are who they are. So I ask again, WHY are we staying in a relationship, friends or intimate, where it isn’t serving us?

“Because Mari….ITS HARD.” No it isn’t.

What is hard is staying in a situation that is only serving you unlimited negative self talk moments which you use to validate your self sabotaging behaviors. Did that hurt? GOOD. Let it hurt. Let that sink in. Let this be the last time relationship/situation where you accept less that you fucking deserve. You are enough. You are wonderfully made. You are loved. Stop wasting that time on individuals who don’t know how to act because they refuse to work on themselves. Don’t let yourself turn into the very thing you are hurting from. Yes, that does happen.

SISTER GIRL, Here me when I say this, spending any more time on “why” this individual is the way that they are, wanting to speak to that person one more time for “closure” is wasting precious time you have on this Earth. You have one shot at this life. That’s it, that's all that there is. I think if this year has taught us anything, it has been a lesson in how fragile life really is.

“Closure” is a joke. The only apology you need is the one you owe yourself for staying as long as you did. The only conversation you need to have and the only person you need to see again is the person in the mirror. Look at yourself and say, “you know what, I fucked up. My worth is more than that.”

You can’t keep dancing with the devil and wonder why you’re still in hell.

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